This Is Why I'm Hot Read online

  Copyright © 2020 J.D. Light

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Epilogue

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  Prologue

  March

  I don't know what I'd been thinking. This wasn't me. I didn't do stuff like this. But I just didn't know what else to do.

  I craved… something.

  I don't remember much about my life before my mother died. I'd been too little, barely four, but things must have been very different for me with her than they were when I was placed with the Williams.

  She must have hugged me constantly. She must have held me when I was sad, kissed my booboos and told me she loved me all the time. I could only assume that life with her was wonderful and happy, because that time in my life was a warm spot in my heart, even if I couldn't remember.

  Certain smells could almost put me back in those times.

  Life with the Williams had been… adequate. Everyone was nice enough. Polite. I was well fed, and nobody was mean or treated me badly. I wasn't hit or even yelled at when I did something wrong. I was corrected and left to my own devices. I was just… there.

  When I'd first arrived, still grieving my mother and scared about the new people to be in my life, they'd simply shown me my room and told me to find them if I needed anything. I did, but I didn't know how to ask for it. I'd never had to ask for comfort before.

  I'd cried myself to sleep that night missing my mother and expecting someone to come and rub my back or sing to me, but nobody came. It took nearly a week of crying until I was too exhausted to stay awake for me to stop thinking someone was actually going to come.

  I learned very quickly that there were no physical displays of love in that house. Nobody greeted or said hello with a hug, not even Mr. and Mrs. Williams. Nobody hugged at all. It was the same with booboos. Mrs. Williams would treat them, but there was no kiss to the top of the self-adhesive bandage or hug before we were sent on our way.

  I was one of four foster kids living in the Williams's home. They were an older couple whose kids were already moved out. I met one of them once in the three years I was there. He'd dropped by to give them an invitation to something. They hadn't hugged him either.

  When Mr. Williams had a heart attack, Mrs. Williams had needed to take care of him, and so we were all sent to new homes. I'd been placed with the Millers. I was their first foster child, but they had a boy my age. He'd tried to be friends with me at first, but because of my shyness, he'd lost interest quickly.

  The Millers were the type of people who liked to constantly tell people what all they'd done for them. They were constantly reminding me to be grateful for them taking me in, and even though I'd had chores at the Williams, at least they'd been evenly divided between all the kids. At the Millers, I was in charge of cleaning most of the house, and I wasn't allowed to play until it was finished.

  As we got older, Mikey had started bringing friends over, and they'd play and make a mess, and I'd spend the whole time trying to clean up after them while they made fun of me.

  When I was thirteen, I started to present as alpha, and since Mikey had already started presenting as omega, the Millers had decided they didn't like the idea of me being home alone with him. I guess they thought I might attack him or something, but I wanted nothing to do with Mikey, and I definitely hadn't wanted him in the way they were saying.

  My next and final home had been with the Fosters, and I'd known it was going to be different than the others from the first moment I met Da. The case worker had barely gotten my name out in the introduction, and Da had wrapped me in his arms in a hug that crushed me and put me back together again. I'd clung to him and cried and cried.

  I'd expected the other boys in the room to laugh at me, but one by one they'd come up and hugged me too. Dad was last to hug me, and I wasn't sure what to expect when I tilted my head back to look up at the huge alpha, but he'd bent down and lifted me off my feet with his hug and welcomed me to the family in a choked voice that nearly made me start crying all over again.

  When they'd adopted me a few months later, I finally felt secure and at peace for the first time in nearly ten years. I was still really shy and didn't talk a great deal, but with them, I actually felt comfortable enough to tease and laugh and relax… and there were hugs and comforting.

  I'd learned from them that I was actually a very tactile person. I craved hugs and displays of physical affection desperately.

  Seeing my family once a week was how I healed when I spent the rest of the week alone, but lately I'd been craving more. I needed more.

  So, I'd finally broken down and scheduled a cuddling appointment with a local agency… and I was freaking out about it, because he was going to be here soon, and I was so scared things were going to be crazy awkward.

  I was crazy awkward.

  The knock on the door sent my heart racing all over again, and I seriously thought for a moment about pretending I wasn't there. But I knew I needed to at least give this a try.

  I took a deep breath and opened the door… only to let it out like a popped balloon at the sight of the gorgeous omega on the other side.

  "Hi," he said brightly, his smile lighting up his entire face, even as one side of his upper lip didn't raise quite as high as the other due to, I assumed, the birthmark on the right side of his face.

  His eyes were bright and cheerful, and even though it was dark, I could tell his they were light in color and surrounded by thick, dark lashes that almost made him look like he was wearing eyeliner.

  He was small, almost tiny, but I could see the definition in his thin arms below the sleeve of his T-shirt and his shoulders were pretty wide in proportion with his body.

  He lifted his hand, pulling the soft looking, light brown hair that was a little on the longish side forward, possibly trying to cover some of the pretty purple mark that ran along the apple of his cheek before dipping to hook right above his lip, and I realized I was probably making him uncomfortable by standing there like an idiot, staring at him.

  "Hi," I said at last, trying to offer him a smile of my own, but not sure how it had gone since my face wasn't necessarily cooperating with me.

  "I'm Hinton," he said sweetly, dropping his hand and offering it to me for a shake.

  "Oh, sorry. I'm Boyd." His hand was warm and dry in mine, and I hoped mine wasn't too sweaty in contrast, as tingles buzzed along my skin. "I'm sorry. I'm really nervous."

  I held on a little longer than was probably necessary as I watched his handsome face turn curious, his head tilting to the side. "Have you never used a professional cuddler before?"

  I shook my head, moving over so he could come inside. "No. I'm not even really sure what I'm supposed to do. I changed the sheets on my bed… not that they were dirty." I blushed hard, not sure if I was more embarrassed by the thought of him possibly thinking I had dirty sheets, or the fact that them not being dirty pretty much explained my sex life completely. "I don't… Never mind. I thought about doing it on the couch. Not doing it… cuddling. I thought about cuddling on the couch but…" I lifted my arms, gesturing to myself.

  "You're as wide as the couch," he said, smiling sweetly.

  I sighed, nodding and wiping my hands on my athletic shorts. "Yeah. I'm sorry I'm so nervous."

  "Don't be. You being nervous is kinda helping with my own nerves."

  "Why are you nervous?" I asked, leading him to my bedroom. "Is this your first time too?"

  He followed, and I hip checked the table in the hall as I watched him over my shoulder. I cringed, reaching down to r
ub the spot, not at all hopeful that he hadn't heard the damn table bounce of the wall or seen the way I'd ricocheted off the thing like a ping pong ball. Sighing, I reached down, rubbing my hip as he answered.

  "In a way. I've never taken an alpha client before. I know you all have to do background checks and everything, but you never know. I'm… not very big. Or tough."

  I stopped just outside my door, groaning as I turned to look at him. I hadn't thought about that. I'd been so nervous that he was going to look at me like there was something wrong with me because I needed to pay someone to snuggle me, or that I wasn't going to know what the hell to do. It never occurred to me that an omega might be nervous walking into a strange alphas house without backup.

  "Damn, Hinton. I'm sorry. I should have thought about that. Instead I'm leading you right back to my room." I looked around for a moment trying to think of somewhere we might be able to fit, so he wouldn't have to be nervous, but aside from maybe moving my mattress into the living room, there really wasn't anywhere my big body would fit with room for someone else. "I know you can't believe me just cause I say so, but I promise I won't hurt you… on purpose." I cringed. "I really hope I don't fall asleep and roll over on you. I'd probably suffocate you."

  He let out a surprised laugh, reaching out to grip my arm, giving me a friendly squeeze. "I think we'll be fine." He moved past me into my bedroom, looking around curiously before stopping at the end of my bed and turning to look at me. "So, how do you want to do this? If you like skin to skin, we can take our shirts off. If not, we can stay fully clothed."

  My heart started to race all over again at the thought of my bare skin touching his. It was tempting. No doubt about it. But it was already new to him to be doing this with an alpha. I really didn't want to make it worse, especially since I was counting on him to help me through it.

  "Maybe let's keep our shirts on," I said, giving him a shy smile. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

  He tilted his head to the side like he was going to argue, but in the end, he simply shrugged and stepped in front of me, reaching out to put his hands on my hips, his light, light blue eyes staring up at mine.

  I swallowed hard, not completely sure what it was he wanted me to do, and then he stepped into me, sliding his arms around my waist to settle on my back. Following his lead, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, already starting to relax into him.

  He was warm, and his smaller body fit so nicely in my arms. His hair smelled amazing as I rested my cheek against the top of his head and tightened my hold. I wasn't sure what it was about this hug, but I could just feel it healing that part in me that had been in need of touch for so long.

  "Wow," he whispered, nuzzling his cheek against my chest. "You're a really good hugger."

  If I wasn't currently enjoying the hell out of this hug, I'd have preened from the compliment. "You probably know since you do this all the time, but you're a really good hugger too."

  He giggled, and the sound was adorable and soothing.

  Pulling back, he looked up at me, a soft smile on his face. "Okay. Clearly this arrangement is going to work. Climb up on the bed and get comfortable.

  I did, lying back against the pillow and wiggling down into the bed until I was in a position I thought might work for both of us, and he watched me with a delighted smile on his face before climbing up after me. He pressed his chest into my side, and his face into my neck before placing his hand on my stomach and sliding it around to my side.

  He hummed softly, settling against me, and I wrapped both my arms around him and sighed contentedly, letting the tension drain from my body and feeling a strange peace start to wash over me. A peace I couldn't remember ever feeling before. Finally, I could cuddle someone without feeling the anxiousness of worrying I might be holding on too long or annoying them with my neediness. For the next three hours, I could fuel up on his body snuggled into mine, and just relax.

  To think, I'd almost pretended I wasn't home. I would have missed out on just what I'd been needing.

  Chapter One

  May

  "I

  t's not that I'm hoping for some grandbabies to spoil because I only ever got to raise one baby and help raise another," Da said, laying it on thick, his chin lifted in the air as he turned his head to the side, pouting, and I groaned quietly.

  "Hmm, somehow it seems wrong to guilt Boyd for not coming to us when he was a baby," Dad mumbled thoughtfully, all but stroking his chin as he contemplated the morality of Da trying to make me feel bad because he'd only gotten to diaper a couple of butts.

  Da rolled his eyes, waving a hand in the air. "It's not about babies. I just want to see you happy."

  Dad nodded, pointing a finger at me. "But if babies come from your happiness, that would be even better."

  "That's true," Da said, nodding.

  I didn't know whether to laugh or run for my life. And just where the hell was everyone? How had I managed to be the earliest to arrive, especially when I'd put so much effort into being late… because I hated to be the center of attention, even with my Dad and Da.

  I loved my parents. They were seriously the best a guy could ask for. They'd only had one biological child, but because Dad had been a foster kid himself and remembered how hard it was for him being a male alpha in the system, they had decided they wanted to take in alphas. Nobody wanted to deal with an alpha when they were presenting or even once they presented for a while, since hormones and tempers tended to be high on top of whatever baggage they brought along with them from whatever had landed them in the system, but not only had they decided to foster and then adopt me, they'd adopted six other alpha boys, even after their biological son Cole presented as alpha.

  It had been a wild ride, and we had scars to prove it––from each other, not our parents––but every single one of us would say that once we were claimed by Mark and Devon Foster, we only knew happiness.

  "I'm only twenty-six," I grumbled, glancing toward the front door. I still had plenty of time for marriage and babies… Though, I wasn't really sure if those things were in the cards for me.

  It wasn't that I didn't want to find an omega that I could have children with and grow old with. I wanted that kind of love, the kind of love my parents had. I just didn't know how someone like me was meant for something like that, when I couldn't even speak to an omega without nearly having a meltdown.

  Well, except for Hinton, but he was special. I could be myself with Hinton. He made it feel easy. I was crazy about him. Probably a bit overly attached, honestly, considering he was just doing his job. What he provided me, though completely priceless, was part of his profession. I didn't doubt that he was genuinely a wonderful person, but he was also there because I hired him.

  Most of the time, I remembered that… but there were those times when we were snuggling and talking that it actually felt like more. My stupid, wishful brain spun it into something it wasn't.

  "I know, sweetheart," Da said, patting my shoulder. "Plenty of time, but… You know, my life is probably halfway over."

  Ow, Da. That was below the belt. He already had one grandbaby, and he was already planning Cole and Riley's wedding, plus, he had plenty of other children to marry off, why did he have to be so dead set on me.

  Because he knows how tactile you are and thinks… knows you are only living a half-life going to work and then going home alone every night. He might have baby motives, but he really was worried about me.

  Dad reached out, grabbing Da's wrist and jerking him back across his lap where he sat on the recliner, pressing a kiss to the side of his husband's head. "Stop trying to guilt our children into having children so you can play with babies…" He turned to look at me, his face sad as he let out a long sigh. "Though, our lives really are probably halfway over."

  "I have a boyfriend," I blurted, needing them to leave me alone. It was bad enough when Da was harping on me, but when they ganged up, it was almost impossible not to want to give them anything it
would take to make them happy. Hell, I might just go out and steal a baby for them.

  "What?" Da screeched, trying to lever himself out of the chair, kicking his little legs around in the air in an effort to get out before turning to smack at his husband when the man simply held him down with a finger to his belly, laughing his ass off. "You have a boyfriend?"

  Wait what? What the hell did you just say, Boyd? Don't do this. This isn't going to end well.

  I swallowed hard, once again glancing at the door and trying to gauge if I was fast enough to run before Da somehow wiggled his way out of the chair. "Yeah," I croaked out before clearing my throat. "His name is… Hinton. I've been seeing him for a couple months now."

  Fuck. Why did I throw his name out there? I guess because he was a boy––man, actually––and he was a friend––kinda––and we really had been seeing each other for a couple months––professionally.

  "When are you bringing him by?" Da demanded, no longer trying to get out of the chair but lifting his head to look at me in a way that seemed a bit uncomfortable. "You need to invite him to the family dinners."

  Dad was looking at me too, his excitement muted in comparison to Da's, but everyone's was, honestly.

  "Uh… well. I don't know. I'm not sure if we're at the meeting-the-parents stage of things." Or the boyfriend stage… or even the friend stage, technically.

  "You've been dating him for two months," Da said dryly, letting his head fall back to Dad's chest, though I wasn't sure if it was because of his exasperation with me, or the fact that his head was probably getting heavy for his neck.

  "I know, but…" I shrugged helplessly. Even though none of it was true, Da knew me well enough to know how hard it would be for me to ask a new boyfriend to come to a family dinner. "You know."

  "I don't."

  I groaned and Dad blinked.

  "I think he means because he's shy, Mark," Dad said, eyeing me for conformation. "He probably needs more time before he can ask the man."