Going Down on the River: Chosen Book 25 Read online

  "You have a mate, don't you?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. "Is the reason you don't claim your mate because of me?"

  He jolted, his body locking up tight and becoming more awkward than I'd ever seen it, before he turned to look at me, surprised confusion all over his face. "What?" he asked on a choked whisper, before clearing his throat.

  "Is it because you have to be with me all the time?" I asked, not completely sure what I wanted the answer to be. "You don't have time to go visit her, because you have to be with me all the time? Is it Lacey? Please tell me it isn't Lacey."

  His face crinkled up like he'd smelled something awful, making me laugh. I wasn't sure if that reaction was to all of my questions and the fact that I spat them out one right after another, or if it was the mention of Lacey, but the reaction was too genuine and too damn cute not to be amusing.

  "It's definitely not Lacey," he said, sounding disturbed. "And no, it's not because I'm with you all the time." He sighed deeply, glancing over at me and then back at the path. He seemed to hesitate, his face becoming pinched. "I don't think my mate sees me like that. He doesn't seem interested."

  "He?" I squeaked in surprise, completely unaware my voice had the ability to get that high. "You're gay?" Was it stuck on that note?

  He nodded, and I blinked owlishly.

  I thought back to that first day when he'd walked in the grocery store. I had been completely positive that he and Ryk have been talking about Lacey and the fact that she was his type. How had I gotten it so wrong?

  "But you said… Huh." I didn't know what else to say. I didn't really want to fess up to the fact that I'd been eavesdropping on his conversation with his friend, but I had so many questions.

  I licked my lips, looking at, but not seeing the path leading back to the cottage while I processed the information he'd just given me.

  River Webber was gay. Or maybe bi, but if his face when I asked him if Lacey was his mate was any indication, my assumptions about them were wrong.

  And he'd said his mate didn't want him. That just didn't seem possible. How could somebody be gifted with a being so perfect and not want him? Who the fuck was this idiot?

  "Are you sure your mate doesn't see you that way?" I asked, unable to keep the question to myself, though I knew it had to be a sore subject for him.

  "I'm pretty sure. He's always been very nice to me, and I think he even thinks of me as a friend, but he just doesn't seem to want anything else from me."

  "Have you told him he's your mate?"

  Maybe it was just a simple case of misunderstanding. River was just so damn smart. He couldn't possibly be paired with someone who was so fucking stupid, they didn't see how amazing River was?

  "I did." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It didn't go well."

  Needing something else to think about, before I said something stupid like, mate me instead, I shook my head, turning to give him my buddy smile. He was watching me a little oddly, his head tilted, trying to figure something out. Did he suspect something? Had he seen how much talking about mates was affecting me?

  I cleared my throat. "So, what all happened at the meeting?"

  He frowned slightly, no doubt fully aware the subject change was due to my discomfort, but after a moment, he sighed, rolling his head on his shoulders.

  "Meyers and Rowe are going to go to the last place Darrin Clay used his credit card, and see if they can find anything there that might lead them to him," he said, as we climbed the steps to the front porch at the cabin we were staying in.

  Somehow, I'd made it through a whole night without somehow embarrassing myself, or catastrophically ruining a friendship. I still wasn't sure how I was going to masturbate with him in the house, but I knew I wouldn't make it much longer without doing something.

  Since the day I had met the man, even when I thought he might be a creepy stalker, I'd masturbated multiple times a day to thoughts of his long lean body, and the way it seemed to flow almost like water when he moved.

  "Grayson and his team are going to see if they can find the man Agent Burris was in contact with," he continued, his deep voice doing nothing to combat the reaction my body was having to thoughts of his beautiful form. "The emails seemed to all originate from a library in Fort Wayne, Indiana. The good news is, a library card was used to access the computer. The bad news is, it's pretty unlikely that the guy used his own library card, but they're going to look anyway, and hope it leads them to something."

  I nodded, knowing I was supposed to be agreeing with the words that were coming out of his mouth, but I couldn't for the life of me, or figure out what they meant. At some point, I'd allowed myself to focus on his mouth, on his plush lips and that way they formed words.

  When I remained silent for too long, he glanced over at me, and I blinked quickly, hoping he didn't see the lust written all over my face.

  This was going to be a long fucking night. I could tell already.

  Chapter Two

  The night before had been rough. After all that mate talk, I had been feeling a little down. Okay, more than a little.

  It had brought up all the things I had been questioning since I first met him and past things I'd thought I'd gotten over.

  So, instead of eating dinner and then watching TV like I usually did, I excused myself to my room where I planned to spend the night lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, while I reflected on the fact that my own mate friend-zoned me, and just how pathetic you had to be for that to happen.

  Unfortunately, because of the layout of the house, Logan and I shared a wall between our rooms, which was how I knew he too had gone to his room early, where he spent a lot of the night pacing across the floor, my hearing picking up and tracking in my boredom and fascination with my mate, the soft pad of his feet moving across the carpet.

  He didn't mumble or make any vocal noises at all, and I was pretty sure that was because he knew my shifter hearing would pick it up. No doubt lessons learned from experience living with shifters.

  At around two o'clock in the morning, he slipped off to the bathroom, his ultra-quietness and the fact that he paused at his door for several seconds, told me he was trying to be sneaky.

  Curiosity proved to be too much, and I waited for the bathroom door to close before I snuck out after him. I knew he thought I was sleeping. I knew he had no idea that I was up and roaming around, which made the fact that I was standing right outside the bathroom door with my ear all the way pressed to the wood, extremely creepy.

  It didn't take long to figure out what he was doing, and maybe the fact that he was sneaking off to the bathroom in the middle of the night should've been a pretty good clue, but that didn't change the fact that I actually gasped when I heard his long deep moan.

  I could actually picture him wrapping his hand around his dick, and I looked down as my own pulsed inside my pants.

  I wasn't proud of myself. It wasn't something I was happy about, standing outside the bathroom listening to my mate release some frustration. Of course, that didn't stop me from pushing my sleep pants down and taking my own cock in hand.

  I didn't have lube, so the stroke was dry and a little rough, but as I listened to my mate work himself, barely making a sound, it felt like perfection.

  I didn't know what he'd stuck to his mouth, but I knew except for the lubed glide of his hand on his dick and his initial moan, he barely made a sound, and when he got off it was nothing more than a muffled cry.

  Giving a surprised cry of my own, I shot all over the wall. I cringed, not sure how loud I had been. I didn't even have time to bask in the afterglow, as the distinct sound of water running hit my ears.

  I ran back to the room with everything all hanging out, kicking the tiny table right outside the bathroom in my haste. I managed to grab it in time to keep it from falling, but when it rocked back into place, it thumped against the wall. I righted it quickly and hauled ass back to my room, shutting the door quietly and freezing just inside, holdi
ng my breath and crossing fingers, in hopes Logan wouldn't come to my door.

  I heard the bathroom door open, and I could practically see him peeking out into the hallway. His feet shuffled faintly across the floor as he made his way back to his room.

  He paused just outside my door, and I wondered if I was going to pass out from holding my breath so long. I was beyond relieved when he mumbled something about hearing things and slipped back into his bedroom, closing the door quietly.

  I eased onto the bed, still mostly undressed, with splatters of cum on my pants and hand, my heart and mind racing.

  I waited for the soft snores of my mate through the thin wall, then got up and went to the bathroom, cleaning first myself and then the mess I'd left in the hallway.

  The release didn't make me feel any better about my mate situation. In fact, knowing that whoever it was that Logan had been thinking about while he took care of himself, it hadn't been me, and that made me feel worse.

  I curled up in a ball on my side when I made it back to my room and tried not to cry. I was a fucking shifter for goodness sake, but that didn't stop the tears that leaked out of the corners of my eyes.

  What had I done? For a shifter, I wasn't even that old. So, in the ninety-four years of my life, what could I have possibly done to have the perfect man presented before me and not be able to have him? To genuinely, whole-heartedly fall in love with him, and not be able to keep him.

  Logan Fisher was like the ultimate life tease for me.

  It took a while to fall asleep, and the couple of hours I did manage to get were full of nightmares. I couldn't really remember most of them, but the one I could, the one the alarm had woken me from, with a gnawing emptiness in the pit of my stomach, was of me standing alone in the middle of the barren field. There was no one close around me, but I could see people in the distance. No matter how loud I yelled, they couldn't hear me, and they couldn't see me when I jumped up and down and waved. When I tried to run across the dead grass, I felt like I was sinking.

  I was nothing. Not missed by any of the people surrounding the field.

  By this time the sun came up in the morning, I was relieved to get out of bed.

  I knew the mood that had lasted the last few hours while I'd accompanied Logan to work like always, was my fault. I knew I was the reason why Logan hadn't said very much at all, looking almost nervous when he told me he been called in to work.

  I knew he wasn't actually scared of me. Sure, I was a shifter, and I could definitely hurt him, but I knew he knew me well enough not to be worried about something like that. But I had no doubt he could sense my inner turmoil, and because he was the way he was, I also knew he really wanted to help me.

  At one point, right before we made it to the store, he turned to me, his eyes moving over the side of my face. "Are you okay, River?" he asked quietly.

  I wasn't really sure how to answer that. I really wasn't okay. It'd been a long time since I'd been like that. It'd been a long time since I'd had a reason, but as each day passed, and I spent more and more time with my mate, who didn't want me to be his protection or have a platonic friendship, I was realizing that maybe it was actually impossible to be friends with my mate at all. That maybe I'd have to give him up completely, and that only made me more depressed.

  Giving him my best fake smile, I nodded, and before he could ask anything else, climbed out of the car, and we headed inside.

  My mood gradually improved, and I found myself joking with my funny mate. He could be such a puppy sometimes. His energy was endless and contagious. Just being in his presence made it easy to forget my problems, even though my problems revolved around him.

  In fact, I was in an excellent mood by the time the old lady in the purple tracksuit showed up, dragging a beautiful girl who looked to be barely older than nineteen behind her. She pointed my mate out to the girl wearing a crop top, high-cut shorts and sandals.

  She looked amazing, and if it wasn't for the fact that her grandma was trying to set her up with my mate, I would've been impressed, but definitely not attracted to her form.

  The purple velour with granny filling all but shoved the teenager at Logan, and my poor mate looked like he'd been caught in a trap as his eyes moved around quickly, looking for a way to escape.

  The girl smiled, looking Logan over, and no doubt admiring his thick muscles and universally gorgeous face. There was no denying the man was hot. He'd had far too many admirers––far too fucking many in my opinion––for it to just be bias on my part.

  My mate looked at me like he was hoping I would protect him from the tiny scrap of a girl, and she turned to see what he was looking at, her eyes widening when they landed on me. I could see the moment her interest shifted, and suddenly I was the one looking for the nearest exit.

  I knew I couldn't just make a run for it without my mate. He definitely still needed protection, but as she slowly turned her entire body in my direction, I seriously considered throwing him over my shoulder and getting the hell out of there.

  Were nineteen-year-olds supposed to look that predatory?

  "Hi," she said, giving me a long once-over that made me want to cover my entire body in a paper bag.

  The worst go-to-hell look I ever received in my life came from an old lady in a soft purple tracksuit with gold zippers, as I tried to figure out the best means of escape that wouldn't leave my mate vulnerable.

  She seemed so disgusted with me as she looked me over. Like it was my fault her granddaughter obviously had horrible taste in men. I totally would have gone for the gorgeous blond standing behind the register too.

  The young girl moved toward me, and in my mind I started flailing. I thought I actually whimpered out loud as every bit of my training failed me. Not one usable escape plan came to mind, and Grandma huffed, taking off with her basket and leaving us to fend for ourselves.

  Hey, I don't like it any more than you do, lady.

  I glanced toward my mate, but he didn't look to be of any help either, since he was watching the scene unfold with wide, worried eyes, letting me know I wasn't just imagining the whole, horrifying thing.

  I was sure someday she would make somebody a very terrifying bride, but I knew danger when I saw it, and there was a blaring alarm going off in my head.

  I tried to take another step back and ran into the long metal shelf that held the dog food.

  It was a little like dealing with Lacey all over again, but oddly this human was even more aggressive than the tigress, and I definitely didn't have enough pull in the human community to tell her to cut the shit out like I often had to with Lacey.

  I slid along the metal shelving like I was walking on the edge of a building, and it almost felt as dangerous. When I got to the end of the line, I gulped, saying a quick prayer that a ceiling tile would fall from the sky and decapitate me or something.

  What I wasn't expecting––especially since the last time I saw my mate he was looking seconds away from ditching my ass and heading for the fucking hills––was for him to step up beside me, reaching out and taking my hand, then leading me away.

  "Come on, babe. It's time for my break, and I'd really like to show you that tongue trick in the break room."

  I sputtered, far too easily imagining what his tongue could do to me during his thirty-minute break. When his hand slid down my back and cupped my ass, I actually tripped over air. At least, I thought it might have been air. It could have very easily been a small child, but we didn't slow down, and we didn't look back.

  I thought he might pull his hand away when we reached the back of the store, but he didn't, and I sure as hell wasn't going to mention it.

  As we passed Ryk's office, Logan didn't see the man, but I definitely saw the smirk on his face, and I hoped like hell he didn't say anything. The last thing I needed was for his dumb ass to yell out something like, you finally told him he’s your mate.

  Fortunately, he stayed quiet, which was actually quite remarkable considering how big his mouth
tended to be.

  "Holy shit, that girl is terrifying," Logan said, letting go of my ass, and walking over to the fridge. He reached inside, pulling out two pops.

  I was too much in shock to realize I'd let my eyes wander over the solid globes of his ass until he turned, holding the can out for me, the movement drawing my eyes to the drink he'd practically shoved in my face.

  "I don't even think Meyers is that scary," I whispered in agreement.

  "Uh… sorry about the… " he pulled his hand up to make grabby fingers, blushing bright red, and I chuckled, shaking my head.

  "It's fine." So, so, so very fine. I wanted to tell him he could grab my ass at any time, but I really wasn't feeling the need to sound completely pathetic right then. "Thanks for saving me."

  He shrugged, giving me a smile. "Maybe she'll get the hint that you're not into her. I would say we could do the same to get Lacey off your back, but I think she'd be able to tell since… you know." He waved at his neck, tilting his head to the side to show me the smooth, strong column, and I bit my lip to keep from groaning. "The lack of claiming bite."

  I cleared my throat, nodding. We both moved toward the table at the same time, pulling out chairs fairly close to each other and plopping down.

  "How long do you think we'll have to wait until she leaves?" I asked, glancing up at the clock.

  "Delores usually gets done in less than twenty minutes, so it should be safe to leave when my break is over."

  I sighed, relaxing back against my seat, letting my head roll so I could look over at him. I loved watching his handsome face.

  There was a small frown there just then, and he was looking down at his pop can as he spun it, biting his lip.

  I waited, knowing there was something he wanted to say… or more likely, something he wanted to ask.